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Bert's a Plumber

Bert's a plumber.
He stands up when he mends the central heating
In the bathroom.

Bert's a plumber;
He mends pipes for the flooded and the leaking
And then he stops at half past three;
Eats hissnap and drinks his tea,
In the bathroom.

Bert's a plumber.
And they say he spent most of last summer
In the bathroom.

Bert's a plumber
Who could guess that he's, yes, a cross-dresser;
He locks the door and we don't know
There's a one-man fashion show
In the bathroom.

He wanted to be Betty Grable
And wears a negligee when he is able;
A hot tap dancer in the latest Paris chic;
Call him up and she'll fix your leak.

Bert's a plumber
He stands up when he mends the central heating
In a nightdress.

Bert's a plumber
And they say that he once fought the cistern
With two ballcocks down his shirt;
He's a big girl, is our Bert
In a nightdress.

Bert's a plumber
He stands up when he mends the central heating
In a nightdress.

Bert's a plumber
And he knows that you can't fight the cistern
With two ballcocks down his shirt;
He's a big girl, our Bert
In a nightdress.