The Muckspreader

Fling it here, fling it there.
If you're standing by then you'll all get your share.

Now down on our farm we are right up to date,
And mechanisation's the byword of late.
For every task we've a gadget to match,
But our new muckspreader's the best of the batch.

Fling it here, fling it there.
If you're standing by then you'll all get your share.

Now young Walter Hodgekins he brought back a load
Of liquid manure from the farm down the road
And he hummed to himself as he drove down the street -
And his load it went hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm in the afternoon heat.

Fling it here, fling it there.
If you're standing by then you'll all get your share.

Now his muckspreader had a mechanical fault
And a bump in the road set it off with a jolt.
An odourous spray of manure it let fly
Without fear or favour on all it passed by.

Fling it here, fling it there.
If you're standing by then you'll all get your share.

The cats and the dogs stank to high kingdom come;
The kiddies, browned off, ran home screaming to Mum.
The trail of sheer havoc were terrible grim -
One open car were filled up to the brim.

Fling it here, fling it there.
If you're standing by then you'll all get your share.

The spinster, Miss Pringle, was quite scandalised.
"Good Gracious", she cried, "I've been fertilised".
And the Methodist minister's tee-total wife
Was plastered for the very first time in her life.

Fling it here, fling it there.
If you're standing by then you'll all get your share.

The vicarage windows were all open wide
When a generous helping descended inside.
The vicar at table intoned "let us pray".
When this manure from heaven came flying his way.

Fling it here, fling it there.
If you're standing by then you'll all get your share.

Now all of this time as he'd trundled along
He was quite unaware there was anything wrong
'Till a vision of woe flagged him down, what a sight,
A policeman all covered in ... you've got it right.

Fling it here, fling it there.
If you're standing by then you'll all get your share.

From a CD of the Yetties of Yetminster